Nieman: Everybody deserves a chance

A 12-year-old boy named Jim finds himself in a small, desolate town in Southern California. His mom is bedridden and depressed. More than once she attempts to end her life by taking an overdose of medication. This little boy calls for an ambulance and accompanies her to the hospital.

His dad is an alcoholic. Jim has an older brother who regularly gets bullied. Jim, whenever possible, stands up to the bullies, defending his beloved sibling. Jim smiles once in a while, not with his mouth wide open though, embarrassed by his crooked and missing teeth.

One day, serendipitously, he enters a magic shop located in a strip mall. In the magic shop is a grandmotherly older lady, named Ruth, who teaches Jim to calm his body, use his breath to stay in the moment and cultivate an open heart. It changes his life.

This “unfortunate” young man grows up and becomes a neurosurgeon at Stanford; he is also an entrepreneur and ends up with stocks worth $75 million, numerous luxury cars, a private island in New Zealand, a penthouse in San Francisco and a villa in Italy. But then all his wealth is lost and James R. Doty is “forced” to return to the childhood lessons of how to open his heart. In 2008, he became the founder of the Stanford Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education (CCARE).

As we celebrate a season of giving, I have often wondered what parents can do to model philanthropy and altruism to their children.

Last month, I was privileged to be invited to the 2024 National Philanthropy Day Luncheon where my good friend Gary Nissen received the 2024 Doc Seaman Outstanding Individual Philanthropist award.

Gary’s story is also one of serendipity. He explains that “It is a miracle that I exist.” He was given up for adoption and almost never met Claire, his adopted mom who became a pivotal person in his life. Gary at the luncheon told the audience, “My mother, Claire taught me the value of giving back to the community and also that everyone deserves a chance to succeed in life.”

Nissen met his wife, Janeen Murphy, when both were involved with helping Inn from the Cold in Calgary succeed. The couple continues their philanthropic efforts together, at Discovery House, the Calgary Foundation and the social work faculty at the University of Calgary.

Nissen observes, “We all are human beings and all deserve a chance to thrive and reach our full potential.”

Whatever the charity is that Nissen and his wife support, his mother Claire comes up in almost all of his conversations. I marvel at the legacy of a mother when I hear all of his inspiring stories.

Nissen’s passion for philanthropy is also rooted in his strong faith which reminds him that to whom much is given, much is expected; he who sows sparingly shall reap sparingly, and that when one gives … it has to be with a cheerful heart.

“I get so much out of meeting those we help and watching volunteers at various charities remain committed over years and years. Serving at a charity when they can make way more money in the private sector,” he told me not so long ago when he agreed to be interviewed on the topic of generosity.

Researching the so-called “helpers high” – marked by a release of endorphins in those engaged in compassion and altruism, the National Institutes of Health and the CCARE facility used functional MRIs to study the physiology of generosity. When we help someone else or give something valuable away, the pleasure centres of the brain (mesolimbic reward system) get activated. These reward centres are equally active when we watch someone give money to charity and when we receive it ourselves. Altruistic behaviours activate the subgenual area of the brain – the part that is key in establishing trust and social attachment in humans.

When the Dalai Lama and Dr. Doty met via a series of serendipitous events, His Holiness was so impressed by the research at CCARE that he used his funds to support ongoing research into the science of compassion and altruism.

Altruism is defined as “a selfless concern for the well-being of others, often involving actions taken without expecting any reward or benefit in return.”

With Claire’s impact on her adopted son, Gary Nissen, and, in the case of Ruth, who changed the trajectory of Jim Doty’s life, their selfless giving led to powerful legacies, rippling far into the future.

Ruth asked Doty in the Magic Shop to promise that he would pay it forward one day. In his memoir Into the Magic Shop, this remarkable neurosurgeon gives hope to many by keeping that promise made as an underprivileged child.

He and Gary Nissen remind us, especially this time of the year, that everybody deserves a chance.

Dr. Nieman is the founder of Centre 70 Pediatrics. He is currently working on his fourth book where he will share lessons his patients taught him in practice over 40 years.