Nieman: One question and one caring adult

Almost every year since 1988 I have chosen to attend the annual meeting of the American Academy of Pediatrics. Pediatricians from over 58 other countries attended this year’s big event. One always returns to one’s clinic with new insights.

The opening keynote this year was given by Josh Shipp, who talked about the Power of One Caring Adult. He got a standing ovation, seconds before the powerful talk ended.

First, one must understand how pediatric practitioners have evolved since 1988. During those times the main themes related to physical health—optimal nutrition, keeping toddlers safe from accidentally ingesting chemicals and poisons, helping children grow normally, diagnosing ear infections, limiting the overuse of antibiotics and the diagnosis of streptococcal throat infections rapidly to prevent rheumatic heart disease.

These days the driving issues are predominantly mental: stressed youth, depression, anxiety, autism, inattention, struggles in the classroom, more children needing foster care and suicide increasing at an alarming rate.

Statistically Josh Shipp should have been dead, in jail or homeless. But the fact that he got a standing ovation after sharing the impact of one parent, is proof that one caring adult can make a major difference.

Abandoned by his teenage mother at birth, he drifted from foster home to foster home and felt abandoned by adults. He lost trust. Bullied and teased he came close to breaking point at age 14. After another student told him “it’s no wonder your mom left you at the hospital,” Shipp attempted suicide. He told the audience, “I did not want to end my life…. I just wanted the chaos to stop, not my heartbeat.”

At that point he met his next foster parent, a man named Rodney, who worked as a driver education teacher and who was shaped like a lower-case ‘b’.

Rodney’s home was Josh’s 13th foster home. It saved his life. Rodney did not see Josh as a problem, but rather an opportunity to show unconditional love and compassion. He used a tough but tender approach and taught that every kid is one caring adult away from being a success story. For more information on this powerful story, see www.joshshipp.com or watch his TED Talk.

Burnout has become an ever-increasing issue for parents, social workers and some doctors. Many caregivers feel compelled to care more, but at the same time they forget to nourish themselves with skillful self-compassion. At the same opening session of the AAP, a mother spoke to a room of a few thousand doctors on how she faced burnout, but it took one single caring doctor to help her survive. This doctor simply took the time to sincerely ask her, “tell me how you are really doing.” This mother brought tears to the eyes of the audience and when she left the stage, the audience stood on their feet.

Sonia Sotomayor, one of the nine Supreme Court justices of the USA as well as a well-known New York Times bestselling author, concluded the opening session by reminding the audience how she overcame diabetes. Diagnosed at age seven, she always worried about dying early. She had a great fear of needles and told a story of when a doctor approached her to give her a needle, she ran out of the hospital and took shelter under a car in the parking lot.

About 30 years ago she found herself in a restroom of a restaurant administering an insulin injection. A stranger noted this, and the judge later overheard this stranger telling a companion that there was drug addict in the restroom. Judge Sotomayor then told a story of how she went to the woman and said “Madame, I am not a drug addict. I am a diabetic and the injection you saw me take is insulin and it saves my life everyday. Don’t assume the worst in people when you see them doing something you don’t understand. Why don’t you just ask them?”

That encounter then inspired one of her many books, Just Ask! Be Different, Be Brave, Be You.

Following her talk, she walked around in the audience, followed by nervous bodyguards and answered questions from pre-selected children. A child with autism asked the judge what he should do when he likes to do things that are different from other children, such as origami. Her wise answer provided inspiring ideas on how to be accepted and to feel more included.

When it comes to suicide, the sad fact is that only half of those who seriously consider suicide disclose it to anyone and, in two-thirds of the cases, disclose it to only one peer. For more information on the epidemic of suicide please visit the AAPs website for parents: www.healthychildren.org

Dr. Nieman is a community-based pediatrician with 32 years experience. For more on pediatric holistic wellness, see www.drnieman.com